Dear Justin,

Today is my oldest brother Justin's 38th birthday.  I can't believe that it will be 4 years this coming May since he passed away.  This whole month my family has been emailing our fondest memories of him back and forth to each other in honor of his birthday and it has been so nice to talk about him and remember how big a part of our lives he was.  Man, that boy was sure something special!  I just wanted to put the memories I shared below to have record of them... 

I remember Justin babysitting us. A lot. It was in one of these instances where the infamous whip cream story came in to play... I just remember running around the house with Chelsea (being obnoxious little sisters I'm sure) and the next thing I knew, Ryan and Justin had her pinned on the kitchen floor, mouth being forced open wide, and whipped cream being sprayed directly into her mouth while she screamed all the while. I of course was screaming too... all I could remember saying/thinking was "NOOOO, NOT WHIPPED CREAM!!!! She hates whipped cream!!!! Why would somebody do that?!?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" They of course were laughing hysterically, and I just remember hiding in mom and dad's bathroom sobbing hysterically... typical Justin style, typical Amy style.


Even though he was stuck with us a lot as the oldest, I never ever remember feeling like a nuisance to him. I remember after we got the brand new 4x4 Chevy truck... he loaded up all of us girls in the back and took us to get ice cream cones at McDonald's. He wasn't annoyed, just happy to take his little sisters out. Screaming in the back of the truck with Justin at the wheel with drippy vanilla cones. That was such a great little moment that has stuck with me.

I also remember that he LOVED Meagan when she was little. They were buddies. Not in a jealous way, just an endearing way. He would always call her his Goobey and he would even buy the super gross raisin candy every now and then just because they were called "Goobers". I always thought that was such a loving brotherly thing to do.

I remember when he and was it one of the Petersen twins??? went on that trip to DC in high school for being great at something... and a photographer from the newspaper came over. They posed on the living room couch, Justin had his big fat cast on his arm (which had tons of signatures because he was so cool), and he had the biggest smile on his face EVER.

I remember the awkward hugs goodbye for college and his mission. And eating chicken feet soup with him in Toronto when we picked him up. I thought, "This is so beyond disgusting, but if Justin says it's good, and if he's doing it, then it must be cool enough to suffer though". And it was.

I loved it when he spoke Mandarin Chinese. It was so amazing. However, the crazy/strange foreigners that he brought home with him occasionally... not as amazing. Remember Mung??? She had the crazy toes, shared the room with me and Chelsea, and slept in my bed... naked. I was so scarred by that. And his funny Chinese friend, Scott maybe??? I remember Justin brought him with us skiing one time and us girls (minus Bee of course) got to go with them for a little bit. I think it was his first time or something because he was terrible! And we took him on a secret path with jumps that he didn't know about and we just laughed with Justin while we watched him eat it time after time... it's really not so classy now that I look back, but it was sure hilarious at the time and I loved laughing with Justin whenever possible. He for sure had the best laugh ever.

I feel like Justin was great at EVERYTHING. Piano - master. Computers - genius. Girls - lady killer. Pranks - always. Style - ultimate. Snowboarding - slayed it. But you never knew unless you just stumbled upon him being great at something because he would never brag about it, it was just that way. And if he wasn't good, he either obsessively did it until he was perfect at it or just didn't do it. Flawless method if you ask me.

This is embarrassing but I must share: I remember him walking in on me at home the night I got my first kiss. He TOTALLY saw it (how gross, and awkward for him... and me...).  I was MORTIFIED!!!!  He walked into the other room and I ran after him, so sure I was about to get the smack down of my lifetime. I was like, "Justin, it's not what you think (really?) and ummm, I...." and when he turned around he was bright red from stifling his laughter from us and when he saw me he just burst out with the loudest guffaw EVER. He teased me relentlessly and poked me in the stomach a few times and then went merrily on his way. I don't think I ever thanked him for that...

I remember when he and Nicole brought Celyn home from the hospital and stopped by the house on the way to show Grandma Watkins her first grand baby since she was too sick to go out. It was such a sweet tender moment when he handed him to her and I remember being so proud of him as a new father. He was such a good daddy to his boys and I always admired him for that.

It wasn't until Pete and I moved back here to AZ that I feel like I really got to be good friends with Justin. As the only two siblings with kids I felt like we had a special bond. Doing bathtimes together, letting us share babysitters (how annoying, thank you a million times over to you both), talking about how nobody else understands what it's really like, what to do when your kid breaks things at Mom and Dad's house... it was so much fun to get to know him as a person rather than just a big brother. I TREASURE that time with him.

Such a goofball, such a big laugher, such a nerd, and everything else. I can't help but ache with how much I miss him. I guess that's why it's easier just not to talk about how wonderful he was. The more I think about him the more I can't help but feel like I took the time I had with him for granted. So lucky to have him in my life, and so looking forward to when we get to be together again.

Happy Birthday Big Brother.  I miss you like crazy and love you even more.  'Till we meet again.

Amy